Updated: Jul 20
Often when we tell our story the first 100 times we are still coming from the point of view of a victim. We haven't yet healed that broken place our story has left us. We are unforgiving of our attacker, we are still believing we are not enough or somehow "shoulda, woulda, coulda" done something differently for another outcome, and in some ways it is in no way our fault. Understanding how to write from a unhealed and a healed place can help. (An attacker can be an illness, death or anything that you have experienced that has caused you to have a sense of loss of control.)
How do we tell our story from an unhealed place?
First, let me say healing your pain from trauma is a deeply personal experience that is yours alone. I couldn't tell you the best way or only way to heal your pain. I will say journaling, writing, and speaking my story healed or unhealed has helped in so many ways.
If you are telling your story from an unhealed place all you have to do is say, "I'm not done with what I'm learning from this yet" somewhere in your piece. Being honest with your audience is absolutely essential to the performance of your work, healed or unhealed. When you are authentic your audience may be unhealed as well can feel acceptance in their inability right now to see, feel, or experience all the truth in their wounds. They can see themselves in your work, be able to relate, and they may also have an opportunity to begin to heal themselves through your article, book, or speech.
This approach gives you a chance to change your mind, forgive your attacker, or to rebuild an iffy relationship. I know, I can hear you in my head now. "WHAT, forgive my attacker! Are you crazy?" Maybe I am a little crazy, but I also like space. "Space? Don't you mean peace?" Nope, I mean space. I need breathing room on an issue. I need time to journal, to expand on what's really happening.
If I decided with absolute finality that this or that person is cut out of my life, I have sucked all the possibility out of my experience. They don't get to heal, they don't get to change, they are stuck in my perception, limited, and unmovable. That truly isn't fair to me or to them. When we stick our story in a book without this "I'm still learning" caveat our readers hear our disgust, our pain, our lack of love and it can be a pretty big turnoff for some. It can also make the reader think that their pain can't be released which can cause them to lose hope. The primary reason to share our story is to give hope, not take it away. These are all thoughts to consider as you continue your writing journey from an unhealed place.
How do we tell our story from a healed place?
Simply tell the story, you know the story, you have said over and over again. You know it from beginning to end, from the victim to victor. No stone has been left unturned and full responsibility has been taking for your role in the story. Forgiveness has been given, to the level that feels the best to you, and perhaps you have rebuilt a relationship as a result. When we have shifted our perception on a particular issue we give our reader an opportunity to shift as well. After all only love is real, if we are still filled with rage, hate, anger, discomfort, distrust it's very difficult to sense the love that is always present even at our darkest moments. When you tell your story, healed, you are telling the truth about yourself, you are left vulnerable which can be scary, but the feeling of love you receive as a result is unmatched.
Your Story Matters
Healed or unhealed, you matter and so does your story. Journal it out, as you develop take some of the poison out of the story as you go. You might notice your story gets shorter and shorter as you release your own pain. You also might see your story change as you see your attacker for what he/she/it is. A tool, a lesson, a stone that you scratch your blade across to sharpen yourself, a fire that turns metal to silver and you learn to love yourself better as a result of their presence. So many people will benefit from your shift, your courage, your truth. Share it, we all need you!
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